In light of my recent relapse, I have chosen this safe coping strategy for the week:
When in doubt, do what’s hardest. The most difficult path is invariably the right one.
It was definitely a difficult choice to return to my rehab house. Not only is it disrupting my husband’s life again, not only is it confusing for my children, not only did I have to uproot myself from a number of commitments, but above all else, it was so difficult and frustrating to have to admit defeat and failure and return to a place I swore I’d never need to.
But, a skill I’m still trying to master is to take help when I need it, and from whom I need it. At this time in my life, I need serious help, and the counselors here are professionals trained to help people like me. I must remember that what’s happening to me is not entirely my fault, and not entirely in my control. So, I am getting help and support and learning to build a new life on the foundation I have left.
This is also a coping strategy I will need to use when I do return home again. Things in my life have really shifted this time around, and it will be a long, hard road to get back to where I want to be. I will have to do the hardest thing in most situations to get ahead.
I’ll add a bonus coping strategy for this Monday, since my situation has become more serious. It is (I think not coincidentally) the very first one on the list of safe coping strategies:
Ask for help. Reach out to someone safe.
That’s what I did when I decided to come here. I was no longer safe at home. Maybe I never really was. I knew that I’d be safe here, and that they’d know what to do with me. My husband and kids and friends and family have no idea what to do with or think of me right now. But here, they do.
I needed help. Badly. I finally owned up to it and did what, for some reason, is the hardest thing for me sometimes: I asked for help. It’s difficult to be here. It’s killing me to be away from my children and husband. And I feel very ashamed to have to give up my daily duties to other people, that I was no longer able to fulfill them. But, I know that at some point in my life, I can look back on this time positively, and know that I made the right choice.
Deep down right now, I already know I made the right choice.